You know you're a chess addict if...

- you bump into someone or something and say J'adoube

- you set up a chess set with salt and pepper shakers and food items when you
sit at a checkered tablecloth

- you calculate 8x8 faster than 7x7

- you have more chess clocks than watches

- you buy the biggest, fastest, most expensive computer just to play chess on it
or use it as a database

- mate, mating positions, exposed bishops, and forking the queen have nothing to
do with sex

- you take a chess set and book to the bathroom, and forget to go to the
bathroom

- when you meet someone, your first question is, "What's your rating?"

- every week you download every game from The Week in Chess in ChessBase 6,
ChessBase, and PGN format

- you buy a newspaper only if it has a chess column in it

- you still think Bobby Fischer is a hero - despite his radio interviews and his
9/11 comments - who will come back the the U.S. and take on the rest of the
world again

- you have more chess books than any other book or magazine combined

- the Olympics are every two years

- you spot the chessboard set up wrong in every movie with a chess scene

- you name any of your pets Fischer, Tal, Karpov, Kasparov, Fritz, Chester, or
Alekhine

- your favorite movie is "Searching for Bobby Fischer" or "The Luzhin Defense"

- you have checkered underwear with "It's your move" on the front

- you have a crush on Irina Krush

- your favorite snack is Pepperidge Farm's Chessmen cookies

- you have the 2006 International Chess Calendar hanging up in front of you with
your name on one of the calendar dates

- you have the "Chess players mate better" bumper sticker on your car or
briefcase

- you know what BCO, ECO, MCO, NCO, PCO all mean and have all these books

- you ask girl if she plays chess before asking her out on a date

- you end your letters and email with "P.S. 1.P-K4 (or 1.e4)" hoping to start a
game

- you drop everything and quickly spin around if you hear someone say, "Hi,
Bobby" at a chess tournament

- you take a test, and 5 minutes before you run out of time, you mentally tell
yourself that your flag is about to fall

- you have your name on a brick in front of the Chess Hall of Fame or USCF
Headquarters

- you go to any Barnes and Noble in the world and know exactly where all the
chess books are located

- you reply to shouts found on ICC

- you post new shouts looking for your only friends on ICC

- when the cashier says, "Check?" you wink and say "mate"

- you have a chess logo on your letterhead or shirt

- you try to play cards blindfolded

- you use chessboard cufflinks and tie clips

- the only time you voted was in the USCF election

- a Bishop scandal is someone who puts his Bishop on the wrong colored diagonal

- you fantasize of beating Mr Spock in 3-D chess

- you still think Kasparov is world champion and has always been world champion
since beating Karpov in 1985

- you go to a chess tournament and can't wait in saying "Look at those chess
nuts boasting by an open foyer."

- you are constantly looking for three other friends to play bug-house

- you have used any of these aliases while on the Internet: Buttvinik, Caissa,
Gata, Bobby Fischer, IvanCheck, Polgar, Jadoube, Kapablanca, KnightStalker,
KibitzandBlitz, KnightRider, Pawnographer, Philidork, Queenforker, Rookie
Player, Roy Lopez, TarraschCan, Zukertort, KillerMate

- you have played the ghost of Geza Maroczy

- you own a Harry Potter or Civil War chess set

- you've played in chess tournaments all year long and have almost made $1,000
(but you spent $3,000 earning that)